"Sir, this is Oblique reporting. I have come across a transmission that you may be interested in."
"Fantastic, send it my way."
Sending....Downloading.....-Connection failed-
"Dammit! Whose ever idea it was to cut the funding to the search for extraterrestrial life program was a jackass, now we are stuck with ancient dial up technology."
Connected....Downloading....
"Very interesting transmission you have here. It would seem that you have picked up an alien transmission from our planet to another in a far away solar system. I am just going to run it through a check here, and BINGO! It can be translated through....WING DING?! Who would of thought? Well lets see what we have here. Computer please translate the document"
Translating document now....
Light year *-*-*-*; quadrant *-*-*-* reporting:
I am standing in front of what the humans know as a fast food restaurant. We have come across some interesting things here. As I have researched after leaving these test tube creatures here to manifest amongst themselves like a petri dish. They have grown into sects they like to call societies. In these societies the humans grow from child to adult. As they age though it would seem when they get into their eldest stage their mind tends to go backwards to their child like maturity. Very strange yet enlightening. The trouble here is that these places of fast food, have what they call growth hormones in the food. It helps speed up development, not that the humans eating it are really aware of it. However their control groups seem to have stumbled onto some type of aging serum. But to their own disadvantage. Because I will conclude with this study, that over consumption of said food results in the subjects gaining so much weight that they must be air lifted like large mammals out of their abodes. It also only seems to be taking place in one specific area on this rock. The land which they refer to as America. It is very alarming.
-Feed interrupted-
"Excuse me sir, could you spare some change?"
(mumbles indistinctly)
"ahem, well here you go strange human."
"Fuck you asshole, this is a game token."
(footsteps running)
"It would seem my cover has been blown. Until next time..."
